Written by Jennifer on Aug 28 2009
I was recently reminded of the miracle surrounding the early months of motherhood by two articles. One is featured in the September issue of Real Simple magazine and written by Diana Abu-Jaber. The other was written by Katie Roiphe and featured online here: http://www.doublex.com/section/kids-parenting/katie-roiphe-my-newborn-narcotic. The common thread in these two articles is the surprise that both feminists express at the joys and miracles of motherhood. I take minor issue with Roiphe’s narcotic analogy. Her words come across to me as somewhat conflicted – maybe even a little two-faced. She seems surprised at the reality of the beautiful nurturing instinct, and conveys an (almost) hidden guilt for betraying her feminist leanings.
“Feminism” is such a widely defined concept that I believe I would qualify as one under some criteria, but certainly not under others. Here’s the ultimate feminist blasphemy though: I see the practice of motherhood as something only women can do best. My husband is a good father and an excellent parent, but he’s a pretty lousy mother. It’s just not in him and this is true for most men I know. If necessary, I’m sure he could compensate to a great degree, but there is something special about that nurturing motherly instinct. I believe this to be a divine/religious trait, but religion doesn’t have to factor into it. Motherhood is a reality of life and society, and feminists can and should build that reality into their mindset. Being a feminist should be about equally valuing the different traits of men and women, not placing value on how much women can act like men.
I’m sure I’m not the first to say this, but I think that the women’s rights movement of decades past has done women a disservice. It has created a mentality that propagates the idea that women who embrace the uniquely feminine act of motherhood (including those who choose to stay home with their children) cannot or should not be classified as feminists. I would hope that in the future women in our society can find a balance. Being a good mother is a necessary and beautiful, natural part of society and we should not feel like lesser parts of that society simply because we choose to focus our efforts on it. In fact, I believe that choice is one to be encouraged and even venerated.
The scrapbook page I’ve shared here contains journaling written shortly after the birth of my second child when the miracle of new life hit me hard for the second time. The page was created in June, 2006. I hope you’ll take time to read the heart-felt words there. Thanks for stopping by!
