Forgotten Friday: Feminism and being Mom
I was recently reminded of the miracle surrounding the early months of motherhood by two articles. One is featured in the September issue of Real Simple magazine and written by Diana Abu-Jaber. The other was written by Katie Roiphe and featured online here: http://www.doublex.com/section/kids-parenting/katie-roiphe-my-newborn-narcotic. The common thread in these two articles is the surprise that both feminists express at the joys and miracles of motherhood. I take minor issue with Roiphe’s narcotic analogy. Her words come across to me as somewhat conflicted – maybe even a little two-faced. She seems surprised at the reality of the beautiful nurturing instinct, and conveys an (almost) hidden guilt for betraying her feminist leanings.
“Feminism” is such a widely defined concept that I believe I would qualify as one under some criteria, but certainly not under others. Here’s the ultimate feminist blasphemy though: I see the practice of motherhood as something only women can do best. My husband is a good father and an excellent parent, but he’s a pretty lousy mother. It’s just not in him and this is true for most men I know. If necessary, I’m sure he could compensate to a great degree, but there is something special about that nurturing motherly instinct. I believe this to be a divine/religious trait, but religion doesn’t have to factor into it. Motherhood is a reality of life and society, and feminists can and should build that reality into their mindset. Being a feminist should be about equally valuing the different traits of men and women, not placing value on how much women can act like men.
I’m sure I’m not the first to say this, but I think that the women’s rights movement of decades past has done women a disservice. It has created a mentality that propagates the idea that women who embrace the uniquely feminine act of motherhood (including those who choose to stay home with their children) cannot or should not be classified as feminists. I would hope that in the future women in our society can find a balance. Being a good mother is a necessary and beautiful, natural part of society and we should not feel like lesser parts of that society simply because we choose to focus our efforts on it. In fact, I believe that choice is one to be encouraged and even venerated.
The scrapbook page I’ve shared here contains journaling written shortly after the birth of my second child when the miracle of new life hit me hard for the second time. The page was created in June, 2006. I hope you’ll take time to read the heart-felt words there. Thanks for stopping by!
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Thanks for sharing such wonderful thoughts and a beautiful page.
I love the layout, very simple and nice. Where did you get the swirls?
Hi Diane,
The swirls are Fancy Pants Big Board: Scrolls set and they’re available here: http://store.scrapbook.com/fp-992.html
Thanks for stopping in!
Hi from Italy. Your post about Open Type Fonts is very interesting. I am looking for some elegant fonts like your Affair, could you tell me where I can dowload it? Or whew I can find some elegant fonts? Please contact me at: peterpan2510@alice.it
Bye
Alice
Well articulated thoughts on feminism, motherhood and the road that got us here. I can totally identify (esp. since I got my Masters in legal history [with very few women represented] and now work with male engineers in an almost exclusively male department [the only other women are support staff so they don't have to deal with these guys on the meat and potatoes of a project]) since I think a great deal of my unease with being a WAHM comes from the “I got a Masters for this?” rationale. My kids are my greatest joy and I do think that nurturing their whole selves is something that only I can do (it never seems that my husband remembers all the details just to keep up with them and their little lives).
Part of my unease about the totality of mothering may be due to the fact that I am separated from my husband. I used to rely on my husband a lot for validation that plugging away at this altruistic effort of mothering was valuable even if the long-term benefits would not materialize for many years. (I mean there are sparks all over the place but a lot of day-to-day drudgery that can’t go ignored in the conversation.) When same-said husband was telling me how comforted he felt to have me at home, he also commented on how “I was letting myself go” and stepped out on me more than once. I guess that’s a motivator for my current mindset but should it be? I don’t know. I guess I just don’t want to end up the “embittered chore mom” (versus “fun dad”) because I lost myself in the mix. Anyway, sorry for the diatribe but your comment on my blog made me want to come “chat”…ha!
P.S. Ever read any of Caitlin Flanagan (authors articles for the Atlantic Monthly)? You might find some of her ideas interesting…